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9) You and me are gonna have houses, cars, servants (username).We’re gonna have so many yachts we’ll begin calling them merely “boats” to differentiate ourselves from the nouveaux riches who gauchely call them “yachts.” How about it.14) My name is Sexxxo Pornographicus, Galactic Overlord of Schlaungg, and I am here to crush the Earth. I have mastered your Earth courtship process and have come to conquer all ripe breeding vessels in your “Los Angeles County.” We will meet in a well-lit public place for one of your pathetic caffeinated beverages, at which point my reverse engineered Earth pheromones will overpower any puny resistance you may have and mating will begin. The opener is quite simply the first words that come out of your mouth.

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Crafty little buggers, you know; you have to stay on top of it because they’ll figure out how to unlatch the fence with their tongue and get into the neighbors melon patch and create strife. I will not be outsmarted by a fuckin ungulate.23) So let me pitch you an idea. We mount our otherworldy steeds and sail effortlessly and powerfully into the moonlight. If you ask me what the music is I answer you, making sure to say “Rick-Hard” in a real German-sounding way, like Udo Kier. We ride on into the night and suddenly after a cloudbank the landscape below is like none you’ve ever seen before.

Well, let’s put that Tinder opener to the test, shall we?

Picking up right where my last letter left off, I am going to teach you: How to get a date on Tinder INSANELY fast.

Therefore, you will see exactly what I have been teaching put into action as we move to get a girl on Tinder to meet you for a first date. That line was “you’re a cutie.” I told you why it was useful, but you don’t have to use that particular line. KNOWING that she already likes you puts you at ease, makes you feel empowered, and bolder. I just follow these three things above all else: The rest is details.

I want to teach you how to talk to girls, not “what to say.” Let me explain. Still, sometimes this is not enough and you won’t get the girl. It just shows a little extra effort and enthusiasm. The next thing I do is find a reason to justify asking her on a date. This frames the conversation such that I want to meet HER. You see James, before I sent the first Tinder message I’d already assumed she wanted to meet me. I then had to decide if I wanted to hang out with her. Everything about this girl’s tinder profile could be totally exaggerated or even fake.

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